Saturday, October 25, 2008

A time-line of my day. Just the highlights prior to 7AM.

The first two hours of my Friday morning:

5:03 woke up. still on couch. realized that i must have fallen asleep 2.3 seconds into grey's anatomy. what is up with that show this year? totally disappointing.

5:31 crawled in bed and heard jade stirring. shoot. did i wake her as i came up the stairs?

5:52 just fell back asleep. wah...wah...wah...came from jade's monitor. ignored it and turned over.

6:03 unable to ignore the cries any longer.

6:05 opened her door. greeted by vomit smell. again. remember?

6:05:01 i realized that jerry did not go to workout this morning. lucky him.

6:05:02 woke jerry up. because i'm rude like that.

6:06 removed vomit clothing from baby while jerry went about changing her bedding.

6:12 tossed jade in the tub for a good scrub down. enjoyed combing food chunks out of her hair the most.

6:20 dressed and lotioned up jade. started to realize she is wanting milk and she only needs pedialyte, which i don't normally stock.

6:22 mentioned to jerry that jade really needs some pedialyte and that we don't have any.

6:22:01 blank stare.

6:23 mentioned to jerry that i really couldn't give jade any milk...what she really needs is pedialyte.

6:23:01 blank stare.

6:24 i guess one of us really needs to go get some pedialyte.

6:24:01 j-yes, kerry, you've mentioned that a few times now. but i've got to leave for work in 20 minutes. (isn't it so annoying that boys can go from boxers to dressed w/a tie in 20 minutes)

6:25 k-so how am i going to get the pedialyte?

6:25:01 j-load jade up and take her with you, i'll listen for lily while i shower.

6:26 k-oh, yeah. that makes sense i guess. (envisioning jade vomiting all over car) but walgreen's isn't open yet(1 mile from home).

6:26:01 j-yeah, but kroger's is (3 miles from home).

6:27 as we were leaving jade spotted a sippy cup on the counter. the wailing ensued. that girl has to have her milk w/in a minute of waking up. i can't even change her diaper first.

6:28 the cold air hit her face and the wailing stopped. praise God.

6:28:01 i realized that jerry's idea of cleaning up the vomit sheets was to throw them on the front porch...as i tripped over them on my way to the car.

6:29 got jade buckled in. the wailing started again. what? realized she spotted another sippy cup in the car. she. cried. every. second. of. our. drive. not like a whimpering wah, wah, cry. it was the full on I AM TOTALLY ANGRY THAT YOU HAVE FORGOTTEN TO GIVE ME MY MILK WOMAN cry.

6:35 arrived at kroger with crying baby on hip. brought sippy cup from car with me.

6:36 passed by Starbucks kiosk and thought about shouting out my order over jade's screams. resisted.

6:37 ignored comments from the lone cashier woman..."baby must not do mornings, ha, ha"...so not funny.

6:39 busted open the pedialyte right there on aisle 6 and filled jade's cup w/just a couple of ounces.

6:42 picked up a few other essentials for our home-bound-vomit-ridden day. mainly strong coffee.

6:45 proceeded to self checkout supervised by said lone cashier. (are y'all familiar w/those things...where you scan your own groceries? i have fits with them during waking hours...much less at this point in my day. clearly not designed w/a mother in mind...one whose children like to sit down in the bag area..."new item in bag area...not scanned...please scan new item" ugh.)

6:46 scanned my items one by one. all was going well. then the register stopped and some big error message filled the screen letting me know that i needed supervisor assistance. oh, geez, not from her.

6:49 we finally realized that the smarty pants register's scale has noted 2 ounces missing from the pedialyte. NO JOKE.

6:50 she exerted her will over the too-smart-for-its-own-good register and i was allowed to proceed.

6:51 i grabbed jade and the groceries and was happy to be heading home.

6:52 the cashier decides to engage me in conversation. it went kind of like this:

cashier: that pedialyte is good stuff.

me: yep, it does the trick.

c: you know, we use it for our lizards.

m: lizards? like you give it to them to drink? (heading for the exit)

c: well, yeah. sometimes we just let them soak in it. you know, when we see that they are looking dehydrated.

m: (trying to think of a time when she saw a lizard that didn't look dehydrated) oh, wow. (still heading for exit)

c: sometimes we just spray it on them with a mister. (not getting the hint that i'm more than ready to leave)

m: oh, i bet that works well. (feeling a little explosion in jade's diaper)

c: yeah, well the vets charge so much to see lizards and diagnose them. (totally clueless of my situation) like $50 or $60 a visit.

m: (totally smelling jade's deposit) wow, that is a lot. (making a bee line for the exit and not looking back) good luck with all that!

6:58 i was back in the car and headed home. trying to think about how excited jerry would be when I told him that he would now be running late for work because apparently i needed a good education on the methods of treating dehydration in lizards.

14 comments:

Rachelle said...

yep, I'm up early...and keep trying to read your post, but you keep changing it or something and it goes away...so sorry Jade is sick. I cracked up at the lizard lady...so funny! Have a good weekend! =)

Christina said...

poor jade!!! and yes, grey's is very disappointing this year. i have almost considered removing it from my dvr.

The Sullivan Sitcom said...

Those cashiers must be really bored that early in the morning. They will grab anyone (even a tired momma and her sick baby) to talk to. You poor thing!

Hope Jade is feeling better today!

Debbie said...

Hope your morning today was not as action backed as yesterday. Hope Jade is feeling better and no one else is sick yet.

My2Gs said...

Bless your heart! I sure hope your Saturday is much much better!

Jackie @ Our Moments Our Memories said...

Kerry - oh my word! What a crazy start to the day? How is Jade now?

Ok, the whole thing was hilarious, but the very funniest thing to me? That Jerry threw the sheets out by the porch. Wha'?????? That did me in.

jsmedshammer said...

Hey Girl!!

The CD is by Bart Millard called Hymned Again. He is one of the Mercy Me guys. The CD is great. :)

Alana said...

Bless your heart! That's all I have to say about that.

thedomesticfringe said...

So sorry...hope this bug doesn't last long.

Carolina Mama said...

Oh dear, I hope things have turned around for you! And Jade! This was great as far as a not living-it read. :)

Teena in Toronto said...

What a day!

Happy blogoversary!

jennifer@love,laughter,and lyrics said...

This post is so funny!

I have cashiers talk to me all the time. Especially when I'm in a hurry to leave...

Recently, one told me that since Avery looks so much like her daddy, that this little boy would look like me.

Very scientific, no???

Michelle said...

So sorry you had such a tough morning! Hope things got better over the weekend. Hope Jade is feeling better :). We'll be in town the week of Thanksgiving - will you guys be around for a playdate?

Melissa :) said...

This is so (not) funny. LOL :)

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