The first two hours of my Friday morning:
5:03 woke up. still on couch. realized that i must have fallen asleep 2.3 seconds into grey's anatomy. what is up with that show this year? totally disappointing.
5:31 crawled in bed and heard jade stirring. shoot. did i wake her as i came up the stairs?
5:52 just fell back asleep. wah...wah...wah...came from jade's monitor. ignored it and turned over.
6:03 unable to ignore the cries any longer.
6:05 opened her door. greeted by vomit smell. again. remember?
6:05:01 i realized that jerry did not go to workout this morning. lucky him.
6:05:02 woke jerry up. because i'm rude like that.
6:06 removed vomit clothing from baby while jerry went about changing her bedding.
6:12 tossed jade in the tub for a good scrub down. enjoyed combing food chunks out of her hair the most.
6:20 dressed and lotioned up jade. started to realize she is wanting milk and she only needs pedialyte, which i don't normally stock.
6:22 mentioned to jerry that jade really needs some pedialyte and that we don't have any.
6:22:01 blank stare.
6:23 mentioned to jerry that i really couldn't give jade any milk...what she really needs is pedialyte.
6:23:01 blank stare.
6:24 i guess one of us really needs to go get some pedialyte.
6:24:01 j-yes, kerry, you've mentioned that a few times now. but i've got to leave for work in 20 minutes. (isn't it so annoying that boys can go from boxers to dressed w/a tie in 20 minutes)
6:25 k-so how am i going to get the pedialyte?
6:25:01 j-load jade up and take her with you, i'll listen for lily while i shower.
6:26 k-oh, yeah. that makes sense i guess. (envisioning jade vomiting all over car) but walgreen's isn't open yet(1 mile from home).
6:26:01 j-yeah, but kroger's is (3 miles from home).
6:27 as we were leaving jade spotted a sippy cup on the counter. the wailing ensued. that girl has to have her milk w/in a minute of waking up. i can't even change her diaper first.
6:28 the cold air hit her face and the wailing stopped. praise God.
6:28:01 i realized that jerry's idea of cleaning up the vomit sheets was to throw them on the front porch...as i tripped over them on my way to the car.
6:29 got jade buckled in. the wailing started again. what? realized she spotted another sippy cup in the car. she. cried. every. second. of. our. drive. not like a whimpering wah, wah, cry. it was the full on I AM TOTALLY ANGRY THAT YOU HAVE FORGOTTEN TO GIVE ME MY MILK WOMAN cry.
6:35 arrived at kroger with crying baby on hip. brought sippy cup from car with me.
6:36 passed by Starbucks kiosk and thought about shouting out my order over jade's screams. resisted.
6:37 ignored comments from the lone cashier woman..."baby must not do mornings, ha, ha"...so not funny.
6:39 busted open the pedialyte right there on aisle 6 and filled jade's cup w/just a couple of ounces.
6:42 picked up a few other essentials for our home-bound-vomit-ridden day. mainly strong coffee.
6:45 proceeded to self checkout supervised by said lone cashier. (are y'all familiar w/those things...where you scan your own groceries? i have fits with them during waking hours...much less at this point in my day. clearly not designed w/a mother in mind...one whose children like to sit down in the bag area..."new item in bag area...not scanned...please scan new item" ugh.)
6:46 scanned my items one by one. all was going well. then the register stopped and some big error message filled the screen letting me know that i needed supervisor assistance. oh, geez, not from her.
6:49 we finally realized that the smarty pants register's scale has noted 2 ounces missing from the pedialyte. NO JOKE.
6:50 she exerted her will over the too-smart-for-its-own-good register and i was allowed to proceed.
6:51 i grabbed jade and the groceries and was happy to be heading home.
6:52 the cashier decides to engage me in conversation. it went kind of like this:
cashier: that pedialyte is good stuff.
me: yep, it does the trick.
c: you know, we use it for our lizards.
m: lizards? like you give it to them to drink? (heading for the exit)
c: well, yeah. sometimes we just let them soak in it. you know, when we see that they are looking dehydrated.
m: (trying to think of a time when she saw a lizard that didn't look dehydrated) oh, wow. (still heading for exit)
c: sometimes we just spray it on them with a mister. (not getting the hint that i'm more than ready to leave)
m: oh, i bet that works well. (feeling a little explosion in jade's diaper)
c: yeah, well the vets charge so much to see lizards and diagnose them. (totally clueless of my situation) like $50 or $60 a visit.
m: (totally smelling jade's deposit) wow, that is a lot. (making a bee line for the exit and not looking back) good luck with all that!
6:58 i was back in the car and headed home. trying to think about how excited jerry would be when I told him that he would now be running late for work because apparently i needed a good education on the methods of treating dehydration in lizards.
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